بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
When you learn or read about the beautiful marriage of Khadijah RA and Rasulullah SAW, how does it make you feel? Do you yearn to have the same feelings in your marriage? Of course, right? Who wouldn’t?
The thing I love most about their marriage is that it’s so obvious that they loved each other sincerely for the sake of Allah. In a heartbeat, they are ready to sacrifice anything and everything in the cause of da’wah.
Khadijah RA used her wealth, status and energy to support Rasulullah SAW in his da’wah.
This is what we need to learn from their beautiful marriage. Marriage is meant to be a bond that strengthens us and help us go out into the world stronger as khalifahs of Allah.
“…They are your garment, and you are theirs…” (Al-Baqarah 2:187)
Allah says your spouse is your garment. The person who shelters you from all outside harm. Keep you warm, protected and safe from harm.
So when we love someone sincerely for the sake of Allah, our goal should be to become stronger Muslims together and strive to be the best Khalifahs we can be for His sake.
“…when your Lord said to the angels, ‘Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority (khalifah).'” (Al-Baqarah 2:30)
In the end, our ultimate goal is Jannah. So it’s only natural that every other goal we have is pulling us closer to the pleasure of Allah insyaAllah.
Today, I’d like to share with you some tips to continue loving your spouse sincerely for the sake of Allah.
1. Revisit your intentions
Intentions for marriage have a sneaky way of diverging you into marrying for all the wrong reasons other than for the sake of Allah.
You might think that you’re marrying purely for the sake of Allah, but our weaknesses can pull us in all the wrong intentions.
For example, you might say to yourself that you’re marrying sincerely for the sake of Allah but when your husband is tested with financial difficulties and he could no longer buy you certain items you once cherished or go to places you once loved, you start to question if the relationship is even worth it.
So in this case, did you marry him for the sake of Allah or just to have more fun in life through marriage?
But Islam is fair.
Allah did not say marrying for His sake means to dismiss pleasures of dunya altogether.
On the contrary, Allah said your spouse is the place for you to find peace and tranquility. The person with whom you can go through all of life’s hardships together and come out to Jannah at the other end.
He even goes to say that husbands and wives are like garments to one another, protecting and loving each other through thick and thin.
So what does it mean to love your husband sincerely for the sake of Allah?
It means to love one another with the intention to reach Jannah together in whatever way that looks like.
Every marriage dynamic is different and everyone is tested in different ways.
The key is to focus on Jannah and Allah’s pleasure.
That way, insyaAllah, we will not be deterred when He tests us with many marriage challenges.
2. Understand that love grows with affection
Love is a beautiful thing. It keeps husbands and wives strong together in the sanctity of marriage.
But in the Quran, Allah doesn’t use the word ‘hubb’ to describe love (the word for love in Arabic), rather He uses the word ‘Mawaddah‘ which means affection.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Ar-Rum 30:21)
So this goes to show that love in and of itself is somewhat useless without affection.
A partner can feel love for the other but if he/she does not show it through affection, the partner may not feel the love.
I’ve heard of cases where couples have been married for ages and suddenly, out of the blue the wife wants a divorce.
Obviously the husband is dumbfounded but essentially the wife revealed that she did not feel loved by her husband.
Meanwhile, the husband is perfectly content with a wife that takes care of him, ie. cooks and cleans etc.
But the wife does not feel loved since her husband does not portray any affection.
By the way, this is related to ‘the love languages’ introduced by Gary Chapman. If you are going to show affection to your spouse, do it the right way.
Find out what their love languages are. Is it words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts or touch?
By knowing your partner’s love language, you will be able to appropriately show your affection which will lead to a blooming love in the heart insyaAllah.
3. Strengthen your connection with Allah
This is very pivotal in your life, not just in your marriage. But in the context of marriage, having a strong relationship with Allah will keep you grounded like nothing else.
How so?
In a marriage, Allah will put you through so many tests and tribulations. It’s inevitable because we live in dunya, not in jannah yet.
If someone says they have no problems in their lives or their marriage whatsoever, they are downright lying.
It’s just impossible.
But fear not, it is a sign that Allah loves you. He wants to upgrade your status in His eyes therefore He puts you through these tests so that you will be worthy of jannah.
The Messenger of Allah said: “The believer is not afflicted by the prick of a thorn or what is worse (or greater) than that, except that by it Allah raises him in rank and removes sin from him.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 965)
So when you encounter these tests in your marriage – financial difficulties, misunderstandings, health issues etc. – it can bring you to your knees and at times you will feel like there’s no way out.
It is exactly in these moments that Allah wants you to turn back to Him.
Ask Him for guidance and have patience. Establish the Salah and continue to think good of Allah.
Continue reading and understanding the Quran through tadabbur. That’s how you strengthen your connection with Allah.
4. Appreciate everything about your marriage
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: `Allah is Kind and loves kindness, and He rewards for kindness in a way that He does not reward for harshness.` (Musnad Ahmad 902)
How do we truly know if we’re being appreciative of our spouse? Well, for starters, do you say thank you often or do you just take things for granted?
It seems like a small insignificant gesture but you might be surprised how a small, teeny tiny simple ‘thank you’ each day can bloom love in the heart like nothing else. 🙂
Appreciating your spouse and appreciating the marriage can be two different things.
Appreciating your spouse is being grateful for everything they do for you. While appreciating your marriage is being grateful for all the things that the marriage has brought to you, ie. the place you live, the new family you have, the more activities you can do together etc.
Because marriage brings in much blessings. A marriage done sincerely for the sake of Allah will allow you to explore new ways to get closer to Him and fulfill your potential as a khalifah of His. InsyaAllah.
So appreciate it.
Be grateful for it. You will see more blessings insyaAllah.
5. Have an open heart and mind
Oftentimes, when we get into marriage, we are forced to experience new situations that we are not used to prior to marriage.
This may look like you adjusting to the family dynamics if you live with your in laws, adjusting to a new place or even country, new culture all the way to the everyday habits of your new spouse.
So, since you can’t run from it, why not be fascinated by it. Take everything in. Try to learn from this new way of living. This is what it means to have an open heart and mind.
Make the most of your situation.
There are good and bad in every situation. Instead of focusing on the bad, try as best as you can to see all the good that this marriage has brought you.
Once you can accept and be at peace with your current new reality, you can now move on to build a better future insyaAllah.
This leads me to the following point.
6. Get excited about future goals
What needs improving? Your goals can be as small as determining your everyday mundane chores all the way to bigger goals such as family plannings and 1 or 5 year goals from now.
Maybe your husband doesn’t have the habit of doing laundry just the way you like it.
You can adjust that.
Establish who does what chore in the house. Plan future trips or fun activities to do together.
A goal can be big or small. You decide. This will make your marriage more fun and interesting.
7. Establish a productive routine
“… Remember your Lord often and glorify ˹Him˺ morning and evening.” (Ali Imran 3:41)
Routines are very important to establish a more organized and productive lifestyle. There are morning routines, evening routines, Sunday routines etc. to name a few.
You can establish routines that help you achieve your bigger goals.
For example, if you set a weekly goal of working out 3 times a week. You can choose where to fit this activity in your routine.
That way you will more likely achieve this weekly goal.
8. Try new things
Life is never stagnant and the best way for you to grow is to try new things that are a little out of your comfort zone.
Maybe you can pick up a new hobby or side hustle that brings you closer to Allah.
For me, I started this blog as a way for me to share my thoughts and keep my mind sharp while I research for all the articles I’m writing.
Find out what could be your passion that keeps you on your toes each day.
9. Believe that Allah put you there for a reason
“…Certainly Allah achieves His Will. Allah has already set a destiny for everything.” (At-Talaq 65:3)
Allah’s plans are divine. They’re the best. You have to believe it in your heart that Allah always has your best interest.
He has put you exactly where you are right now for a reason.
Look for the wisdom in all the blessings.
When I got married, I also moved in with my in laws and I won’t lie, most times I wished I had my own place so I could do things my way, ie. have the kitchen to myself and cook whatever I want, decorate the home the way I want etc. Basically just do everything my way.
But after living with them for awhile, I’ve come to realize that I’ve learned so much about their way of living that I wouldn’t have figured out myself otherwise.
My older sister-in-law is a doctor so whenever someone falls ill, we’ll be able to get diagnosed right then and there.
My other younger sister-in-law is a neat freak. She can’t stand anything being messy or out of place. So she keeps the home spick and span the whole time.
I’ve come to appreciate her way of tidying the home. It gives me motivation to do the same for my own home.
So, everyone and every event that comes into your life has a role to play to help you in different ways. Likewise, you need to be of service to the people in your life too.
Find out what you can do more to foster great relationships. Starting with your new family would be best.
10. Strive to be a better person each day
“Strive for ˹the cause of˺ Allah in the way He deserves, for ˹it is˺ He ˹Who˺ has chosen you, and laid upon you no hardship in the religion…” (Al-Hajj 22:78)
To be better each day is a choice we all have to make each day. You can choose to be positive, grateful and happy today or to be sad, unmotivated and unaffected.
We can always choose to be 1% better than who we were yesterday.
When we start to actively pursue self-betterment, we no longer become slaves to circumstances, our emotions and other influences that will deter us from becoming our best selves.
Our best self is the person who has a positive outlook on life, she is productive and healthy inside out.
You need to first realize that everything you need to improve your current situation is already in your possession.
So stop looking to external sources for validation, you are enough just the way you are.
Choose to be the person you want to be despite what people say and the circumstances you are in.
Allah created you perfect just the way you are. You only need to realize it and use all of Allah’s blessings in your life to become a better person each day.
It does not matter if you start small. As long as you start, Allah will accept your efforts insyaAllah.
Conclusion
“O believers! Seek comfort in patience and prayer. Allah is truly with those who are patient.” (Al-Baqarah 2:153)
Loving someone sincerely for the sake of Allah takes a sincere heart. Sometimes it is not always easy. Allah will test you in so many ways through your marriage.
But fear not, He loves you so much. If you can be patient and show Allah that you really want Jannah and to please Him, insyaAllah He will reward you abundantly.
May you attain the tranquility that He intends for you through your spouse. Ameen.
Love & salam,
Umm Maryam
Any good from this article is from Allah and any evil is from the shaytaan and me. May Allah forgive our shortcomings in practicing His deen.
Wa billahi tawfeeq wa hidayah
(All successes come from Allah and His guidance).
Astagfurullah oh Allah forgive us