THE KHALIFAH DIARIES Be The Best Muslimah For Allah SWT

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

How do you identify the qualities of a good husband to consider for marriage in Islam?

Oftentimes, when we’re choosing a spouse, our judgment can easily get clouded by our own emotions, attraction for the guy, and the opinions of everyone around us.

This makes it difficult for us to pinpoint the qualities of a good husband.

Why is it important to choose a man with these qualities of a good husband?

Choosing a man with the right qualities of a good husband to marry will determine a BIG part of your future – whether you would have a good marriage, children and overall life satisfaction. If you choose wrong, your future might just take a big hit.

So if you have the intention of looking for a spouse anytime soon (or right now 😉 ), I hope this list of outstanding qualities of a good husband will help you to recognize the husband-worthy men in your life insyaAllah.

By the way, the men who have these outstanding qualities of a good husband would also be attracted to a woman with qualities of a good wife.

So while going through this list, try to reflect on yourself too – whether you have these qualities of what makes a good wife. 🙂

What makes a good husband: 10 Qualities to have.

All the best! Okay, let’s get straight to it.

#1 Quality of A Good Husband

He treats his mother and the women in his life with respect

“The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1162)

One of the major qualities of a good husband is he treats his mother and the women in his life with utmost respect.

I remember the early days of getting to know my husband. At this point, although we’ve agreed to get to know each other better for marriage, we were still shy and barely knew anything about each other.

One day, I invited him to go to a local Islamic talk that was happening in a few more days. He told me he has a ‘date’ with his mom on that day (had to help his mom with something) thus he couldn’t make it.

I thought that was a good sign. He has these major qualities of a good husband.

He prioritized his mom and kept his promise to her. Later on, I got to know from his sisters that he’s a good brother to them as well. That sealed the deal for me. 🙂

Until this day, my mother-in-law would always have a soft spot for my husband. Alhamdulillah.

So my point here is, look at how he treats his mother and his sisters. It is definitely one of the strongest qualities of a good husband.

Do you like the way he treats them, talks to them, jokes with them? If you do, insyaAllah that will be the way he treats you too when you become his wife.

Read next: How To Have An Amazing Husband Wife Relationship In Islam: 12 Tips

#2 Quality of A Good Husband

His 5 daily prayers are immaculate

… Indeed, genuine prayer should deter one from indecency and wickedness… (Al-Ankabut 29:45)

Please don’t ignore this. This is one of the most important qualities of a good husband. If he doesn’t pray at all, please put marriage out of the question. It is super dangerous to marry a man who doesn’t know his Lord before committing to his wife.

Make sure he has these basic qualities of a good husband.

If you do find a man who prays 5 times a day, look at the WAY he prays. Does he pray like a humble slave of Allah or a pecking chicken eating from the ground? I’m serious. It is a SERIOUS quality of a good husband. Very crucial!

I know a sister who asked 2 of her brothers to ‘investigate’ a future spouse for her at his office. Her 2 brothers went to the office and pretended to look for a job at the company. When it was time for prayer, they wanted to see how the brother prayed and so they asked him to be the imam and lead the prayer.

After the ‘investigation’, the 2 brothers went back to report to their sister. They said everything about him was good, he was kind and polite but there was one thing out of place – he prayed really fast, as if he was rushing towards something.

Time passed and they didn’t give much thought to it. Since everything else looked good, both families agreed and the sister and this guy both liked each other, so they proceeded with the marriage.

Fast forward to today after 20+ years of marriage, this sister told me her husband still prays really fast, in fact he would often forget how many rakaats he prayed because his mind often wanders every time he’s in Salah (exactly the way he was before marriage).

She ignored the fact that this man did not have these serious qualities of a good husband before marriage.

This sister also admits that her husband never concentrates in his Salah. This also reflects his attitude in other religious aspects of his life, ie. he’s always reluctant to read the Quran, he hates attending Islamic lectures and he never feels guilty praying at the last minute etc.

My point here is, his attitude towards his Salah is a good indicator to see his attitude towards his religion as a whole (ie, does he read the Quran, increase Islamic knowledge, live by the Sunnah etc), it all shows in the quality of his Salah.

Okay, this might not seem much to some but if you want to raise good pious children in the future, this type of man will definitely not be a good role model to your children. So, be sure to choose a man who prays like a humble slave of Allah instead of a pecking chicken.

Don’t ignore these qualities of a good husband, you owe it to your future kids to choose a good father for them.

#3 Quality of A Good Husband

He has a balanced lifestyle and approach to things

One of the more subtle qualities of a good husband is being balanced and moderate in life. It means to adopt a middle way even when you can go to the extreme.

For example,

• Even when you can afford a bungalow house, you still opt for a moderate apartment because you know only 2 people will be living in it – you and your husband.

• When you get angry, although you show your anger, you don’t get into a full-blown rage. You adopt a middle way instead.

• Even in the way you speak, your voice is not too soft and not too loud, you adopt a middle way when speaking.

“Be moderate in your pace. And lower your voice, for the ugliest of all voices is certainly the braying of donkeys.”

Surah Luqman, 31:19

Look for the man who has these qualities of a good husband. He approaches things in a balanced and moderate way.

I learned this from my husband, he is very good at keeping things balanced and in moderation Alhamdulillah.

When he eats, he doesn’t eat too much or too little, when he works, he doesn’t go too long without rest, when he learns about Islam, he knows that if it seems too extreme, it must be wrong because Islam is simple.

So, look for the man who has these qualities of a good husband, he lives in a balanced and moderate lifestyle because that’s the Sunnah way of living insyaAllah. 🙂

Read next: If You Want The Love Of Allah: Sacrifice Your Love For These 5 Things

#4 Quality of A Good Husband

He is wise and sensible

The believers, both men and women, are guardians of one another. They encourage good and forbid evil, establish prayer and pay alms-tax, and obey Allah and His Messenger. It is they who will be shown Allah’s mercy. Surely Allah is Almighty, All-Wise. (At-Tawbah 9:71)

Being sensible means you can judge a situation and act in the best way according to how you see fit. This is one of the qualities of a good husband that we often tend to overlook.

There are many decisions we have to make on a day-to-day basis. Some are small and some are big. But each decision will determine the outcome of the next chapter in our lives.

My husband and I were talking one time. We ended up on a topic about the importance of husbands and wives having the opposite energies – men being masculine and women being feminine.

My husband said he really appreciates it when I prepare meals for him, take out the plate and serve him. It makes him feel like a king. So when he finishes the meal, he tries to reciprocate by cleaning all the dishes and cleaning the table.

I don’t usually give it much thought, but when he mentioned it, I realise that it really does require a wise and sensible man to know that these small gestures of kindness goes a long way when it comes to making a wife happy.

You don’t have to tell him these things because he is already wise and sensible.

You know how some men just expects you to serve him without giving anything in return? He definitely does not have the qualities of a good husband.

He thinks that since he’s the bread winner in the family, he doesn’t have to help around the house and just be the king for the rest of the day.

To me, this man is not wise and sensible enough.

When you observe your future spouse, see if he has these qualities of a good husband. Is he a wise and sensible person? Does he pick up people’s cues? Does he make people feel appreciated?

These qualities of a good husband will definitely make up a harmonious and loving family insyaAllah.

#5 Quality of A Good Husband

He is not selfish and knows his priorities

Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially…. (An-Nisa 4:34)

If you want to know the essence of what makes a good husband, this is it. Men are born leaders. Good leaders are the ones who are able to prioritise and take good care of the people under his wings. There is no room for selfishness.

This comes in the form of him taking care of his family and putting others’ needs first before himself (aka a man of service).

Men who don’t have this ‘serving others’ mindset get sucked into unhealthy habits like playing video games the whole day, watching porn or watching endless youtube videos etc.

They seem like they’ve lost the purpose and meaning in life which is to serve others – especially for men. When you marry a leader who knows how to put your needs above his, he’ll automatically want to know what your likes and dislikes are.

He’ll naturally want to be of service to you as his queen InsyaAllah. You won’t have to nag or complain or plead to get what you want. But of course, this goes both ways. A man of service would expect his wife to be a woman of service too.

You’d have to be equally invested – if not more – in the things he loves. 🙂 I think that’s fair.

#6 Quality of A Good Husband

He has strong principles in every aspect of life

I see this time and time again in my husband Alhamdulillah. And this is one of the top characteristics that I’m so grateful for in my husband. He knows what he wants, what he believes is right and he’ll never compromise his values.

Contrast that to a man who does not have these qualities of a good husband.

He does not stand by his principles, he’ll easily follow trends and he’ll be plagued by everyone’s opinions including his mum, aunties and all his relatives even if it means going against you and your children’s needs as his wife and children.

I’ve seen this firsthand and it is very frustrating to be a wife to this kind of man. It’s almost as if you can’t plan anything with him because when you do, someone else can talk him out of it anytime or make him believe in a totally different thing altogether.

And it’s important to note that there are many aspects in life to consider after marriage, ie. career, children, location to live, family values etc.

If your man does not have these qualities of a good husband – he is not a man of principles, he will not be able to build a family the way he wants to but undeniably he’ll be building a family according to what everyone else wants.

And let me tell you, people can really talk! They’ll give you unsolicited advice ALL THE TIME. Your man really needs to be a man of principles to weed them out.

So, find a man who has good principles and he sticks to them!

#7 Quality of A Good Husband

He does not have the need to please anyone but Allah

… So do not fear them; fear Me if you are true believers. (Ali Imran 3:175)

I love this one. This is one of the qualities of a good husband that will make you trust him more than anything.

When you find a man who does not need to please anyone but Allah, you can trust him on a deep level because you automatically know that everything he does, all the actions he takes no matter how big, small or hidden is ultimately following what Allah loves (aka live by the Quran and Sunnah).

And I think you can sort of tell this by his actions. Go on his social media profiles, his instagram, facebook etc. If he posts a lot of mundane boring stuff like his breakfast, dinner and lunch every single day, or trivial things like what he’s doing every second of the day, then that’s a big red flag that he’s a constant people-validation seeker.

I know some social people can just be that – very social even online. But please, there’s a limit to everything. If he seems too social, it doesn’t matter if it’s online or in-person, you need to be careful, he might have a deep psychological problem.

I’m just telling you this because I’ve seen it with my own eyes. It’s scary. They really have no self-control over themselves. (Nauzubillaminzalik, May Allah protect us from becoming one of them). Ameen.

But, I personally believe that if he doesn’t have social media at all, then that’s even better. I mean, what kind of person would NOT have a social media account in today’s world?

He must be very private or plain content with his life that he doesn’t need to share it with the world. I would choose this type of guy any day! 🙂

Ps. If he uses social media for business then that’s obviously fine. I’m talking about his personal account. Either way, wanting to please Allah alone and no one else is a pillar quality every muslim should have, not just the qualities of a good husband.

Read next: 7 Ways To Feel Allah’s Presence Every Day

#8 Quality of A Good Husband

He values and takes good care of himself

Among the many qualities for a husband, this one sits at the top as well. Having good care of oneself is a sign of good self-esteem, meaning he loves who he is.

I like men who groom and have a sense of style beyond just the basics of hygiene. It tells me what kind of personality he has.

For example, my husband is a minimalist. His style is just sleek and simple. And I think it shows in his overall personality, ie. the way he thinks, speaks and approaches life – nothing is exaggerated.

Plus, when he takes care of himself, insyaAllah you would automatically have a man who knows how to meet his own needs. He doesn’t need you to do extra for him or remind him to maintain the basics – stay healthy, active, clean etc.

Of course, he would appreciate whatever help you give him, but you don’t have to worry if his self-maintenance is slipping. He knows how to take care of himself and how to be a good husband.

Your job as a wife is to just add value and suggest brilliant ways that can upgrade his life to become a better version of himself. InsyaAllah. 🙂

Read next: 7 Things To Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

#9 Quality of A Good Husband

He has good and strong relationships in his life

One of the qualities of a good husband you need to pay attention to is whether he has good and strong relationships in his life. This is because problematic people cannot maintain relationships for long.

Does he still have childhood friends? Does he have a strong social support system?

The quality of your relationships are the major indicator of a meaningful life. A good man knows this. That is why, to determine how good a man is, you need to see if he has good and strong relationships in his life.

It’s important to note that most of the skills in maintaining friendships are the exact skills needed to maintain a strong marriage, ie. trust, communication skills, sense of humor, etc.

That’s why this is one of the most important qualities of a good husband.

If he does not have long-term friends and strong relationships in his social circle, he may be lacking some basic social skills in maintaining relationships.

The ugly side effects of marrying this type of guy will look like this:

• He does not fight fair, you will be frustrated once you realize he’ll never come to terms with you

• He does not put in enough effort to get to know you on a deeper level (a very superficial guy)

• He can’t open up to you and be vulnerable (this will lead to trust issues because problems will definitely arise and if you don’t understand what’s going on in his mind, and he lacks the skills to convey exactly where he stands, you’re going to be the frustrated one most of the time).

So, all in all, just do yourself a favor and look for a man who has these qualities of a good husband, he would already know how to maintain all the relationships in his life.

That’s a good indicator of a mature and trustworthy man insyaAllah. 🙂

#10 Quality of A Good Husband

He has a positive view of other people and life in general

Having this positive view of life and other people is definitely one of the qualities in a husband. A positive man can turn anything into positive as well.

When he sees people struggling in life, he helps them and supports them instead of judging.

When Allah gives him challenges in life that seem unbearable, he is able to maintain a positive outlook on life and continue living to please Allah swt.

Now that is what makes a good husband!

Final thoughts on qualities of a good husband to consider for marriage

These qualities of a good husband are easy to spot, provided you’re not blinded by your own emotions and attachments to him.

When you look at him objectively, you’ll be able to tell how good of a man he is and how worthy of a husband he might be for you InsyaAllah.

All the best!

Any good from this article is from Allah and any evil is from the shaytaan and me. May Allah forgive our shortcomings in practicing His deen.

Wa billahi tawfeeq wa hidayah

(All successes come from Allah and His guidance).