بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
It is easy to stay stuck in the past when our mistakes seem so huge and unforgivable.
We feel as if we are doomed and that we will never be able to redeem ourselves.
Do not despair, dear sister. Allah SWT loves those who sincerely repent and turn back to Him.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Allah the Almighty said:
O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it. (Hadith 34, 40 Hadith Qudsi)
Even the greatest prophets of the past have made mistakes, but never did they despair of the mercy of Allah.
So we must learn from them and do the same.
When prophet Moses A.S accidentally killed another man, He did not despair of the mercy of Allah. He made dua to Allah to protect him from the people who were trying to call him to sin.
He pleaded, “My Lord! I have definitely wronged my soul, so forgive me.” So He forgave him, ˹for˺ He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Al-Qasas 28:16)
After that, he left his city to protect himself from those people. Along his journey to redeem himself, we can see that Allah blessed him with many blessings such as a wife, a new job, protection and shelter from prophet Shu’ayb A.S and so forth.
He later on became one of the most amazing prophets who was tasked with the most difficult challenge one could ever carry – to invite the biggest tyrant ever in history to monotheism, Pharoah.
So dear sister, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Allah SWT has big plans for your future just like prophet Moses A.S insyaAllah.
Here are some tips that I hope might help you to recover in your journey to heal from your past.
1. Forgive yourself
It was narrated from Abu ‘Ubadah bin ‘Abdullah, that his father said: “The Messenger of Allah 
said:
‘The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin’.” [Sunan Ibn Majah]
My dear sister, everyone makes mistakes. Allah said if you sincerely repent it is as if you have never sinned. Your records are clean. Isn’t that a relief?
So have more compassion for yourself because you were doing what you thought was right at the time.
It was not your intention to deliberately sin. Start forgiving yourself and take back control over your life.
There is no use dwelling on the past when Allah Himself told us that He created us with every tendency to fall into sin. It is His divine purpose that He created us humans weak this way so that we may run back to Him in times of need and repent.
So do not be hard on yourself. Allah especially loves those who make tawbah and continuously better themselves as slaves of His.
So forgive yourself first for everything you did in the past no matter how big or small because at the end of the day, Allah’s pleasure is the only thing that matters.
2. Focus on your relationship with Allah
Say, ˹O Prophet, that Allah says,˺ “O My servants who have exceeded the limits against their souls! Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Az-Zumar 39:53)
The best part about having an immeasurably merciful God is that no matter how big your sin is, He will forgive you as long as you sincerely repent and do not associate partners with Him afterwards.
He loves to forgive His beloved servants. So when you feel like there is no way out and everyone is against you, remember that Allah is always by your side taking care of you and waiting for you to come back to Him.
He loves you immensely because you have sincerely repented. So continue to repent to Him and seek His guidance.
Focus on building your relationship with Allah each day by reciting and understanding the Quran so that you may strengthen your bond with Allah.
That way you will never despair of the mercy of Allah.
3. Avoid toxic people
Moses pledged, “My Lord! For all Your favours upon me, I will never side with the wicked.” (Al-Qasas 28:17)
Sometimes people who are the closest to us can hurt us the most. It is a sad reality. But no matter what, we need to first love ourselves enough not to let ourselves get hurt by them.
If the people in your circle are toxic and are constantly dragging you down, set a boundary with them and avoid them with the intention to protect your mental health.
4. Stop seeing everyone else as angels
When you feel bad about your sins and it makes you feel as if you are worthless or the worst person on the planet, you might think that everyone else is doing better than you.
This may not be the case.
Truth is, we can never know the state of someone’s heart. Only Allah knows.
So when you feel like everyone else is doing better than you and it causes you to regress, stop comparing yourself and refocus on seeking pleasure from Allah instead of others.
Only Allah’s pleasure matters at the end of the day.
“…my success is only through Allāh. Upon Him I have relied, and to Him I return.” (Hud 11:88)
5. Mend your relationship with loved ones who are affected by your sins, especially parents
As for those who repent, mend their ways, and let the truth be known, they are the ones to whom I will turn ˹in forgiveness˺, for I am the Accepter of Repentance, Most Merciful. (Al-Baqarah 2:160)
If your past sin has affected someone, you need to apologize to them and make amends.
Have an honest conversation with them. Tell them you have repented and that you are trying your best to become a better person.
In due time, as your actions continue to prove to them that you have changed for the better, insyaAllah they will forgive you and start accepting the new you.
6. Do more charity
Sadaqah (charity) extinguishes sins just as water extinguishes fire. (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 614)
Charity is a beautiful thing. The more we give, the more we get back from Allah SWT.
But the best part is it does not necessarily confine to monetary values.
Rather, any kind of good deed is a form of charity. Even a simple smile to someone is considered charity.
Abu Dharr narrated that the Messenger of Allah said :
“Your smiling in the face of your brother is charity, commanding good and forbidding evil is charity, your giving directions to a man lost in the land is charity for you. Your seeing for a man with bad sight is a charity for you, your removal of a rock, a thorn or a bone from the road is charity for you. Your pouring what remains from your bucket into the bucket of your brother is charity for you.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1956)
So do not despair, do lots of charity to wipe out your past sins. It will clean your heart and gain Allah’s pleasure.
7. Remember that only Allah can judge us
“…Cooperate with one another in goodness and righteousness, and do not cooperate in sin and transgression. And be mindful of Allah. Surely Allah is severe in punishment.” (Al-Maidah 5:2)
Allah is the One who created you and the only One who truly knows your heart.
He knows how sincere you are in wanting to leave your past sins behind and start a new leaf.
If anyone else judges you whether for what you did in the past, present or future, it just means that they are judging the perception they have of you.
They are not judging the real you, your soul which only Allah knows. And on the day of judgment, none of people’s judgments of you will ever matter.
Only Allah’s opinions of you matter. So take back control over your life and start pleasing Allah each day instead of anyone else.
Respect people because you want Allah to be pleased with you, but never let anyone’s judgment of you define who you are.
You are extremely worthy to Allah and He has great plans for you just like prophet Moses A.S.
Continue to seek His pleasure and you will attain the ultimate success insyaAllah – to meet Allah SWT in our final home, Jannah.
8. Give loved ones time to heal
The reward of an evil deed is its equivalent. But whoever pardons and seeks reconciliation, then their reward is with Allah. He certainly does not like the wrongdoers. (Ash-Shuraa 42:40)
If your past sins have hurt the people in your life, give them time to heal before you continue doing regular activities with them.
They may need time to process the situation as well. Time will allow them to reflect on the situation and find it in their hearts to forgive you.
Even after you have asked for their forgiveness, you cannot force people to accept your apology straight away.
Depending on the impact of your actions, they may need more time to seek the best ways to solve the situation.
The best you can do in this time of ‘probation’ is to make plenty of duas for them and hope that they may come around and forgive you.
In the meantime, strengthen your relationship with Allah so that you can become a better and stronger slave of His and not fall into your past sins again. ❤️
9. Protect yourself when people bring up your past
Sometimes people can hurt us badly by bringing up our past. It may be because they were hurt by our actions, and so they wish for some kind of payback.
Or it may simply be because it triggers their own insecurity of not being able to change their old sinful ways as you have. In any case, it is an indicator that you have truly changed for the better Alhamdulillah.
They just don’t like seeing you change, leaving them in the dark. Some people are like that, unfortunately.
If someone is sincere in wanting what is best for you, they should rejoice that you have found your way back to Allah SWT.
You can find these sincere hearted friends in the right places – Quran study classes, halaqah meetings and other beneficial Islamic classes.
When people bring up your past, you need to protect your mental health and overall wellbeing by defending yourself in a respectful way.
Say ‘auzubillah minashaitan nirajeem’. It means “I seek refuge in Allah from the outcast Shaitan.” They will get the message.
By standing up for yourself, you are instilling an act of self love and compassion. It means you value yourself enough not to let others take advantage of you.
As you practice more and more self love, it will become a habit and eventually embedded into your identity.
Thus, you will become a person who has high self-esteem and self-love insyaAllah.
So remember, when people bring up your past, which you hate, tell them how you feel in a respectful way. You don’t want to be rude to anyone.
In fact, you can still be kind and gentle while expressing yourself.
Just be honest… ‘I do not appreciate you bringing up my past. Again, I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you but I have repented and it is now between me and Allah SWT. Please do not bring it up anymore.’
This is assuming you’ve apologized for your mistakes but they keep bringing it up to hurt you. If they continue to talk about it even after you have told them not to, then keep calm and try to avoid being around them.
Also, you do not have to over explain yourself to anyone, they do not owe you anything. Remember that your worth only comes from the pleasure of Allah SWT, not the pleasure of anyone around you.
So if they keep wanting to hurt you, keep calm and stay away from them. They will have a negative influence on you and that will not serve your wellbeing.
10. Ask for support from Allah SWT and the right people
Your environment plays a big role in helping you thrive, change your old ways and start a new life.
Abu Hurairah 
narrated that the Prophet said:
“A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.” [Sunan Abu Dawud]
So ask for support from friends and loved ones, the people closest to you whom you can trust with your heart. They know you best.
So they would know how to encourage you and help you on your journey to redeem yourself. Maybe you have a grandma who always sees the best in you or that aunty who always gets you and is always able to bring back your smile.
Go to them for support.
Syaitan will continue to remind you of your past and trigger you to stir self doubts from time to time. This will hinder your progress.
In these moments, always remember to turn back to Allah first, the All-Merciful. Allah loves it when you turn back and rely on Him.
Seek His protection from the was-wasa of syaitan. Allah will help you wherever you are and whenever you call Him.
11. Move on with no regrets
Every soul has to taste death. It is on the Day of Judgement that you shall be paid your rewards in full. So, whoever has been kept away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has really succeeded. The worldly life is nothing but an illusionary enjoyment. (Ash-Shuraa 3:185)
Remember your life on earth is only temporary. It is not worth crying over.
As you try to leave your past behind, it is important to remember that you are not your past. You do not have to let your past haunt you from becoming a better person today.
It was just a chapter in your life.
Take the lesson from it so that you won’t repeat your past mistakes in the future. After that, move on with no regrets.
Remember how Prophet Musa A.s did not dwell on his mistakes. He repented to Allah SWT and moved on.
Continue to seek help from Allah when you face difficulties. Allah will surely be there for you. He never leaves His beloved slaves.
Conclusion
Your Lord says, ‘Call on Me and I will answer you; those who are too proud to serve Me will enter Hell humiliated.’ (Ghafir 40:60)
Call on Allah SWT to help you navigate the past.
Your past mistakes can be a blessing in disguise. There are so many lessons to be learnt when we look back at our past mistakes. Learn to take those precious lessons and move on.
Syaitan would want you to dwell in your past and stay stuck. Do not let him win. Be the strong Muslimah who remembers Allah SWT and His immense mercy.
You will attain success in dunya and akhirah only if you turn back to Him. So do not despair. Allah is always with you.
May you achieve the best in this world and the next. Ameen.
Love & salam,
Umm Maryam
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