بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. (Ar-Rum 30:21)
We always cherish something more at the thought of losing it. Don’t you agree?
Can you imagine waking up next to your husband on a beautiful Sunday morning only to realize that he’s not breathing?
I can picture it clearly in my mind but my brain just refuses to accept even the minutest possibility that it can happen to anyone, including me.
There is nothing that terrifies me more than losing my husband, to be honest. I just feel like without him – the person who understands me and teases me the most, life would be less meaningful.
Astaghfirla. Although it is completely normal to feel sad upon losing a loved one, especially someone as close to you as your husband, syaitan is definitely playing tricks on my brain.
He is convincing me to believe that relying on my husband more than Allah is the best way to live.
Nauzubilla.
Alhamdulillah, my husband helped me in correcting this. Ever since he realized this fear of mine, he kept reminding me that death could come to anyone at any time including me.
So we better be prepared for it.
I’m doing my best to stay detached from him and allowing my heart to fully rely on Allah SWT insyaAllah. It means that if Allah were to take my husband at any time, I’d be ready for it and I would stay true to my Lord and be grateful for all the years He has given us.
Having said that, while I’m still married to this good man, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the blessings that Allah has given in our marriage.
We can be grateful for the time we still have with each other even when death is certain. That is the sunnah way. Even when Rasulullah SAW urge us to remember death, he was still doing his marital duties and responsibilities diligently.
So I’d love to do the same and share with you 12 simple sunnahs that we can all implement in our marriages to have more affection and mercy with each other insyaAllah.
1. Wake each other up for Tahajjud
It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said:
“The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘May Allah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, and wakes his wife, and she prays; and if she refuses he sprinkles water in her face. And May Allah have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, and wakes her husband and he prays; and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.’” (Sunan Ibn Majah 1336)
Tahajjud – the best prayer of all time, in my opinion. It just makes me feel like I can take on the world again because Allah has my back. I would always feel like everything will be okay when I take care of my Tahajjud.
No matter how chaotic the world can be, as long as I stick to my quality time with my Lord, I’ll be alright. InsyaAllah. Because nothing makes me feel better than pouring my heart out to my Lord who knows me exactly for who I am inside out.
No one truly knows me better than He does, therefore relying on Him is the most natural thing to do.
And when you invite your special person to do the same, there’s not a better gift you can give each other subhanAllah.
2. Make the best sincere duas for your beloved
Aisha reported: When I saw the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, with a cheerful face, I said, “O Messenger of Allah, supplicate to Allah for me.” The Prophet said, “O Allah, forgive Aisha for her past and future sins, in secret and in public.” Aisha laughed so much that her head fell from his lap. The Prophet said to her, “Does my supplication make you happy?” Aisha said, “Why would your supplication not make me happy?” The Prophet said, “By Allah, it is my supplication for my nation in every prayer.” (Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 3446)
When you make sincere duas for your spouse, it comes back to you ten fold. It comes back to you in ways you never knew.
The angels would be saying ameen and they would make the same duas for you.
It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “When the reciter says Amin, then say: “Amin” too, for the angels say Amin and if a person’s Amin coincides with the Amin of the angels, Allah will forgive his previous sins” (Sunan an-Nasa’i 926)
Whenever I see how hardworking my husband is, and how tired he is because of that, I’d always whisper to Allah in my heart, ‘Ya Allah, My husband is a good man, please give him Jannatul Firdaus’.
3. Always be grateful to each other
Abu Hurairah narrated that the Messenger of Allah said :
“Whoever is not grateful to the people, he is not grateful to Allah.” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1954)
Being grateful to one another is about doing your best to please one another.
It can be a deed that seem so small such as reminding your spouse to take care of his health when he seems to forget to eat due to work.
Or it can be a big deed such as buying a special gift on your anniversary. The list is endless. But the best of us are those who are grateful for every single deed we make for each other.
That’s how we keep each other happy in a marriage insyaAllah.
4. Have sabr with each other’s shortcomings
Do you know this story?
It was narrated from Umm Salamah that she brought some food in a dish of hers to the Messenger of Allah and his Companions, then ‘Aishah came, wrapped up in a garment, with a stone pestle and broke the dish. The Prophet gathered the broken pieces of the dish and said:
“Eat; your mother got jealous,” twice. Then the Messenger of Allah took the dish of ‘Aishah and sent it to Umm Salamah and he gave the dish of Umm Salamah to ‘Aishah. (Sunan an-Nasa’i 3956)
Fascinating right?
We all know how jealous Aisha RA can be but her stories are all lessons for us to learn from. Without her, we would not have much examples to learn from. 🙂
That day, it was Aisha RA’s turn to be with Rasulullah SAW so he was at her house. Some of the companions were also there with Rasulullah SAW.
Then, Umm Salamah RA came and brought some food she had cooked for Rasulullah SAW. When Aisha RA saw this, she was overcame by jealousy and so she pushed Rasulullah SAW’s hand and the plate of food fell to the floor and broke into pieces.
Rasulullah SAW simply cleaned up her mess and said to the companions who were witnessing this whole scene: “Eat; your mother got jealous,” twice.
Notice how calm and cool he was in this moment. Aisha RA had literally embarrassed him in front of everyone yet he did not scold her or made her look bad in any way.
He simply asked her to replace Umm Salamah RA’s plate that she had broken. Khalas! He even cleaned up after her!
I suppose she did apologize to Umm Salamah RA afterwards but you get the point.
This is super hard to do, I know, but it will get easier with practice insyaAllah.
May Allah give us this beautiful quality of sabr when we are dealing with our spouse. Ameen.
5. Encourage good deeds
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “He who calls others to follow the Right Guidance will have a reward equal to the reward of those who follow him, without their reward being diminished in any respect on that account.” (Riyad as-Salihin 1382)
Allah loves it when His slaves race towards good deeds. You can remind each other to do more good deeds.
My husband and I recently use habitshare to share good habits with each other. It’s an app that we use to keep track of habits we want to improve on and we can share it with others as a form of accountability.
For example, I want to improve my Quran reading every day. I can track my habits on the app every day and it automatically shares my progress with my husband.
It’s a simple habit app that adds accountability to its features. I love it.
6. Always have good opinions of each other
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; and do not look for the others’ faults and do not spy, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert (cut your relation with) one another, and do not hate one another; and O Allah’s worshipers! Be brothers (as Allah has ordered you!”) (Sahih al-Bukhari 6064)
Every marriage has misunderstandings. You are dealing with people from two different backgrounds, upbringings and opinions, so you are bound to have misunderstandings.
When this happens, the first thing you should do is to think good of each other. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
If your spouse has good intentions in marrying you, they will never purposely try to hurt you. Misunderstandings simply happen because we are humans with differences.
So, embrace the differences and hear each other’s point of view before placing judgements.
That is the wise thing to do.
7. Say ‘I love you’
Do you know that it is actually sunnah to say ‘I love you’?
Narrated Anas ibn Malik:
A man was with the Prophet (ﷺ) and a man passed by him and said: Messenger of Allah! I love this man. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) then asked: Have you informed him? He replied: No. He said: Inform him. He then went to him and said: I love you for Allah’s sake. He replied: May He for Whose sake you love me love you! (Sunan Abi Dawud 5125)
You see, the Prophet SAW was affectionate. And who can you be more affectionate with if not your spouse?
You never know when your last ‘I love you’ would be so just say it before it’s too late.
8. Continue to be affectionate even when she’s menstruating
It was narrated from Shuraih that he asked ‘Aishah:
“Can a woman eat with her husband while she is menstruating? She said: ‘Yes. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) would call me to eat with him while I was menstruating. He would take a piece of bone on which some bits of meat were left and insist that I take it first, so I would nibble a little from it, then put it down. Then he would take it and nibble from it, and he would put his mouth where mine had been on the bone. Then he would ask for a drink and insist that I take it first before he drank from it. So I would take it and drink from it, then put it down, then he would take it and drink from it, putting his mouth where mine had been on the cup.'” (Sunan an-Nasa’i 279)
My husband and I do this all the time. We share the same plate, the same bowl… everything. Partly because it saves us more time and water to not wash two dishes but also… We love it.
Aisha RA use to share her cup with Rasulullah SAW and he used to drink from the exact place that she drank in order to please her.
SubhanAllah. Rasulullah SAW was so romantic. Let’s revive the sunnah.
9. Help around the house
Hisham said, “I asked ‘A’isha, ‘What did the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, do in his house?’ She replied, ‘He did what one of you would do in his house. He mended sandals and patched garments and sewed.” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 540)
Helping your partner around the house is a sunnah. Not only will you make your wife happy by lightening her burden (when it was not hers to carry in the first place), you will also be rewarded for it.
10. Bathe together
Narrated `Aisha:
The Prophet (ﷺ) and I used to take a bath from a single pot of water after Janaba. (Sahih al-Bukhari 263)
This is romantic. Aisha RA said Rasulullah SAW used the same bucket of water to bathe together.
So if we do the same, we are actually following the Sunnah.
Sometimes couples don’t have time for each other. They are busy with work and taking care of the kids etc.
Why not save time by bathing together and use it as an opportunity to spark some romance despite a busy day.
You need lots of quality time together as a married couple. Bathing together will do just that.
11. Play race with each other
‘A’isha told that when she was with God’s Messenger on a journey she raced him on foot and beat him, but when she grew she raced him and he beat her. He said, “This makes up for that beating.” (Mishkat al-Masabih 3251)
Rasulullah SAW and Aisha RA had a playful relationship. Even when they didn’t have much time to spend together, they would take the iniative to make each other laugh and have fun together.
That is what happy couples do. They play with each other.
Aren’t they adorable?
12. Listen to each other talk for however long
Click HERE for the full hadith.
One day Aisha RA went to a group of female gathering. In this gathering, they had been sharing stories about their own husbands.
Aisha RA listened attentively to all their stories. They were sharing about all kinds of good and bad about their husbands.
When Aisha RA came home to Rasulullah SAW, she shared everything she heard. And I mean everything!
And you know what, Rasulullah SAW carefully listened to every single story that those women had shared about their husbands.
Can you imagine? Which man in his right mind would want to listen about a bunch of stories of other men? As if he has nothing else to do.
And this is Radulullah SAW we’re talking about. The man who faught in battles, ruler of nations and leader of his ummah.
Yet he SAW had the time to listen to Aisha RA recollecting other women’s stories of their husbands. SubhanAllah. How noble was his character.
Men, if you truly love Rasulullah SAW. Listen to your wife no matter what she is sharing. Just listen. You’ll get rewarded in dunya and akhirah insyaAllah.
Not only will you have a happy wife but you will also gain Jannah insyaAllah.
Final thoughts on practicing the sunnah in our marriage.
Did you notice that all these sunnahs had almost nothing to do with money?
This proves that loving your spouse and showing affection need not cost a dime but has everything to do with a sincere heart.
So, if you truly love your spouse, follow the sunnah and increase your affection and mercy with each other.
Although we are imperfect souls and we make mistakes on a daily basis, it should not deter us from trying to be better and better in our marriage each day insyaAllah.
These sunnah practices from the Prophet SAW are perfect guidance for us to instil in our marriages.
May Allah give us beautiful marriages and get the best rewards in this world and the next insyaAllah. Ameen.
Love & Salam,
Umm Maryam
Any good from this article is from Allah and any evil is from the shaytaan and me. May Allah forgive our shortcomings in practicing His deen.
Wa billahi tawfeeq wa hidayah
(All successes come from Allah and His guidance).
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