THE KHALIFAH DIARIES Be The Best Muslimah For Allah SWT

So, You Want to Date?

You want to meet and get to know as many guys as you can before settling for The One. You want to understand his heart, his passions, his likes and dislikes, and what he’s all about. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to choose the right spouse. But what is the right way to do that? The most effective way—arguably the Islamic way—the way that pleases Allah the most.

Sometimes, we assume we can do things our own way without taking Allah’s guidance into account. And that’s when we realize, too late, that our choice of men doesn’t align with what Allah teaches us to seek in a spouse. Someone who is…

• God-fearing
• Honest and trustworthy
• Financially responsible
• Kind and gentle
• Capable of leading a family with wisdom

But how do you find a man with these qualities? Is dating the way to go? Or is there a better way?

The Problem with Dating

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get to know someone before marriage, but we have to remember that dating—as it is commonly practiced today—goes against what Islam teaches us.

Islam is a preventive religion. It prevents harm before it happens. This is why Allah prohibits free mixing between men and women. Because the more time you spend alone with someone of the opposite gender, the easier it is to get emotionally and physically attached.

Most of the time, when people date, they end up searching each other’s souls. They spend hours talking, sharing secrets, getting comfortable. And then, before they even realize it, boundaries start breaking. First, it’s casual touching. Then, deeper intimacy. And before long, many couples end up sleeping together before marriage.

Allah warns us about this in the Quran:

“Do not even go near zina. It is truly a shameful deed and an evil way.”
(Quran 17:32)

The Risks of Dating for Women

For women, dating comes with huge risks. You know what I mean:

• Unplanned pregnancy – A woman bears the physical and emotional burden if things go wrong.
• STDs – Some men are not sincere or truthful about their past.
• Heartbreak and emotional trauma – A woman’s heart is naturally more vulnerable. If she gives it away too easily, she risks getting hurt—over and over again.

And let’s not forget: Women tend to fall in love through emotional bonding. The more time she spends with a man, the harder it is for her to let go—even if he isn’t the right one.

The Risks of Dating for Men

Most people assume that men don’t get attached easily, but research actually shows that men fall in love faster than women. They may not express it the same way, but emotionally, they’re just as vulnerable.

When a man gets attached too quickly, he risks:

• Choosing the wrong wife – Infatuation blinds him to red flags.
• Losing focus on his goals – A serious relationship takes time and energy.
• Falling into zina – Even good men can slip when emotions run high.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“No man is alone with a woman except that the third one present is Shaytan.”
(Tirmidhi 2165)

Islam is not about limiting you. It’s about protecting you. That’s why Allah teaches us to follow taaruf, not dating.

What is Taaruf?

Taaruf is the Islamic way of getting to know a potential spouse—with the right intentions, in a halal way, and with Allah’s blessings.

Unlike dating, which is focused on emotions, taaruf is focused on compatibility, values, and long-term commitment.

The Prophet ﷺ advised us:

“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. So marry the religious one, may your hands be rubbed with dust!”
(Bukhari 5090)

How to Do Taaruf Properly

Taaruf is NOT about texting all day and night, flirting, or spending excessive time together. It’s about:

1. Having a third party involved – Your wali (father, brother, uncle) should be present.
2. Asking the right questions – What are his values? How does he handle conflict?
3. Observing his character – Is he trustworthy? How does he treat his family?
4. Praying istikhara – Asking Allah for guidance before making a decision.

My Own Taaruf Story

I nearly fell into Shaytan’s trap when I first met my husband. I felt like texting him all day, every day before we were married. But Alhamdulillah, Allah protected us.

You know what? I was the one who proposed to my husband. Kind of like Khadijah RA’s style, but in a modern way. I texted him on WhatsApp and said:

“I like you, and I’d like to ask if you would be interested in marrying me.”

I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t like to waste time. If I know my purpose and goal, I go straight in.

If he’s up for marriage, then let’s bring in our parents. If not, then goodbye. No time-wasting.

But I’m not saying this is the best way. Khadijah RA sent her trusted friend to propose to Rasulullah ﷺ. That’s the most noble way to do it. If possible, involve a trusted third party instead of reaching out directly.

Taaruf: The Best “Probation Period” Before Marriage

Some people argue that dating allows them to “test” their partner before committing. But think about it:

When companies hire employees, they don’t just let them wander around the office and “see how it goes.” They have structured probation periods. Interviews. Background checks. Reference calls.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Shouldn’t we be even more careful?

Here’s how you can conduct a taaruf probation period while maintaining modesty and respect:

✅ What You Can Do:

• Meet in a public setting with a wali present.
• Have serious discussions about values, goals, and expectations.
• Observe his character from a distance—how he treats others, how he speaks.
• Consult people who know him well—his family, friends, mentors.
• Pray istikhara before making any decision.

❌ What to Avoid:

• Private meetups, long phone calls, or endless texting.
• Getting emotionally attached before commitment.
• Ignoring red flags in the name of love.

The goal is simple: Protect your heart, protect your deen, and choose wisely.

The Final Word: Taaruf Leads to Stronger Marriages

So, you want to date? You want to know his heart, his passions, his personality before marriage?

There’s nothing wrong with that. But the best way to do that—the most effective way—is through taaruf, not dating.

Islam is a preventive religion. It protects you from harm before it happens. Taaruf allows you to search for a spouse in a way that is structured, respectful, and blessed by Allah.

And when Allah is pleased with your marriage, He fills it with barakah.

May Allah guide us all to righteous spouses and beautiful, lasting marriages. Ameen.

Love & Salam,

Aimi