Bismillah بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
Why Many Young Men Are Unprepared for Marriage
If you’re a mother, sister, aunty, father, uncle—or simply someone who has a young man in your life—please educate him on the right way to treat his wife. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)
I’ve always wondered why Allah chose how a man treats his wife as the gauge of his character. It turns out that with women, when Allah made husbands the maintainers and leaders of the household, He also placed a tremendous responsibility on their shoulders.
A woman is commanded to obey and respect her husband in Islam. This puts her in a position of vulnerability, making her dependent on his care. It’s easy to mistreat someone who needs us—we see this even in some mothers who emotionally abuse their children. But most men wouldn’t dare mistreat their boss. Why? Because the boss has authority over them.
So, when a man uses his authority to care, cherish, and love his wife—even when he doesn’t have to—that’s a sign of humility and God-consciousness. It shows he fears Allah, not just people.
1. The Heart of the Problem: Men Don’t Know How to Win a Woman’s Heart
Many young men enter marriage thinking their only job is to provide financially. But soon, they realize that marriage is more than money.
I’ve had friends and family share how disappointed they are because their husbands don’t know how to connect with their hearts. Winning a woman’s heart doesn’t require lavish gifts—it’s in the small, consistent acts of love.
I heard of a man who wrote one thing he loved about his wife on a sticky note every morning and left it on her desk. Another man touched his wife affectionately during everyday moments—while washing dishes, passing by, or playing with the kids. These simple actions grow love daily.
Quran Reminder: “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them…” (Quran 30:21)
The biggest mistake many men make? They don’t understand that women are not like men. A woman doesn’t always need solutions or encouragement. What she needs is for you to be present, to listen with undivided attention, and to validate her feelings.
The Prophet ﷺ did exactly this. Aisha (RA) once returned from a women’s gathering where the women were sharing stories about their husbands. She came home and told the Prophet every single story—there were eleven women—and he listened with full attention. He didn’t show annoyance or imply that she was wasting his time. Instead, he validated her feelings and engaged with her emotionally. This is what love looks like.
2. Understanding the Differences Between Men and Women
Quran Reminder: “…the male is not like the female.” (Quran 3:36)
Emotional Differences: Women are naturally emotionally expressive. We need to talk and express ourselves. That’s how Allah designed us, especially to raise children. That’s why women crave to be heard and understood, not just corrected.
Communication Styles: Women often express themselves indirectly. Rasulullah ﷺ knew Aisha (RA) was upset just by the way she spoke. She would say, “By the Lord of Ibrahim” instead of “By the Lord of Muhammad” when she was upset. He noticed these details. Are you paying that level of attention?
Sensitivity and Care: Women thrive on emotional reassurance. It’s not about fixing her problems—it’s about understanding her world. Be gentle. Listen to her heart, not just her words.
Hadith: “Treat women kindly. They are like captives in your hands.” (Ibn Majah)
Many men are shocked after marriage because no one ever taught them these emotional nuances.
3. The Prophet ﷺ as a Husband: The Ultimate Role Model
Hadith: “The best among you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.” (Tirmidhi)
Gentleness and Patience
Aisha (RA) said:
“The Prophet ﷺ never hit anything with his hand—not a woman, not a servant.” (Muslim)
Understanding Emotions
Once, when Aisha (RA) was upset and another wife brought food during her turn, she broke the plate out of jealousy. The Prophet ﷺ didn’t shame or scold her. Instead, he calmly said:
“Your mother has been overtaken by jealousy.”
And then he simply asked her to replace the plate. No humiliation, no escalation. Just love and understanding.
4. Essential Lessons Every Man Must Learn Before Marriage
1. Learn Emotional Intelligence
Hadith: “A believer is not harsh or cruel. Rather, he is gentle and loving.” (Ahmad)
Women express emotions differently. Don’t say, “You’re overreacting.” Say, “I understand, tell me more.” Don’t try to fix it. Be present.
2. Educate Yourself About a Wife’s Rights
Quran Reminder: “Live with them in kindness…” (Quran 4:19)
Here are her Islamic rights:
- Financial support (Nafaqah) – Provide according to your means.
- Emotional and physical care – Be attentive and affectionate.
- Respect and dignity – Never belittle or humiliate her.
3. Set Realistic Expectations
Marriage is not just about romance—it’s responsibility. There will be conflicts. But a righteous husband navigates them with patience and wisdom.
Hadith: “A strong man is not the one who defeats others in wrestling, but the one who controls himself at the time of anger.” (Bukhari)
4. Never Oppress Your Wife
Hadith: “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily, you have taken them on the security of Allah.” (Muslim)
Oppression is a major sin. This includes emotional neglect, control, or financial abuse. Being a good husband means being accountable before Allah.
5. Fathers & Mentors: Teach Young Men Before They Marry
It’s illogical thinking to let boys grow into men without mentorship.
Hadith: “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.” (Bukhari)
Fathers, uncles, mentors—you must teach young men:
- How to treat women with love and respect
- What it means to be a real husband
- How to study and emulate the Prophet’s ﷺ marriage
Don’t let society or social media teach your sons. That’s your job.
Conclusion: Marriage Is an Amanah (Trust from Allah)
If there’s a young man in your life—son, brother, nephew—teach him how to treat a wife with honour.
The Prophet ﷺ said, “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)
In Islam, a wife is an amanah—a sacred trust from Allah.
When a man is given leadership, it comes with immense responsibility. A woman is told to obey and respect her husband, making her vulnerable by default. That’s why how a man treats his wife is the true test of his character.
Most men respect their boss out of fear. But the best men treat their wives well out of taqwa.
Islamic marriage preparation for men must start with heart, humility, and the fear of Allah.
“They are garments for you, and you are garments for them.” (Quran 2:187)
Marriage isn’t just about paying bills—it’s about honouring the amanah you’ve been entrusted with.
Before stepping into it, ask:
“Do I truly understand what it means to be a husband?”
Leave a Comment