Bismillah بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
When we talk about love in the context of Islamic marriage, it’s important to realize that the way love is portrayed in movies and media is often very different from what Islam teaches us. Hollywood and Bollywood love stories might have us believe that love is all about intense emotions and thrilling moments, but Islam guides us toward a love that is much deeper and more meaningful. So, what does love really mean in an Islamic marriage?
1. Mawaddah and Rahmah: The Heart of Islamic Love
In the Quran, when Allah describes the relationship between a husband and wife, He uses the terms “mawaddah” and “rahmah,” rather than the word “hubb,” which means love. This choice is very telling.
- Mawaddah (مودة) is a deep, affectionate love that grows over time. It’s not just about physical attraction or fleeting emotions but about developing a bond that deepens with shared experiences and mutual understanding.
- Rahmah (رحمة) means mercy, emphasizing the importance of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness in marriage. It’s the quality that helps couples support each other through life’s ups and downs.
Allah beautifully describes this in the Quran:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21).
This verse reminds us that the foundation of a strong marriage is affection (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah), not just the fleeting emotions that come with infatuation.
2. The Misconception of Love Today
Let’s face it, we’re bombarded with images and stories that make us believe love is all about passion and excitement. But more often than not, what’s being shown is not true love but infatuation—a feeling that’s intense but short-lived.
Hollywood and Bollywood have popularized this version of love, leading many of us to chase after fleeting emotions instead of seeking the deeper, more lasting love that Islam encourages us to build in marriage.
3. Love in Islam: More Than a Feeling
In Islam, marriage is so much more than just a legal contract; it’s a spiritual bond between two people who come together to help each other grow closer to Allah. The love that flourishes in this bond is rooted in faith, respect, and a shared commitment to building a life that is pleasing to Allah.
True love in Islam isn’t about the initial spark or butterflies in your stomach. It’s about cultivating a relationship that is enduring and fulfilling, based on mawaddah and rahmah. This kind of love is nurtured every day through small acts of kindness, patience, and mutual support.
4. The Danger of Infatuation When Choosing a Spouse
When you’re considering marriage, it’s important to understand the difference between infatuation and true love. Infatuation can cloud your judgment, making you overlook red flags that might become significant problems later on. Many people fall into this trap, mistaking their excitement and attraction for deep, lasting love.
Islam teaches us to approach marriage with both our hearts and minds. Yes, emotions matter, but they shouldn’t be the only factor in such an important decision. Take your time to get to know your potential spouse—look beyond the initial attraction and consider their character, values, and how they treat others.
5. Listen to the Advice of Those Around You
One of the biggest mistakes people make is ignoring the advice of their loved ones when choosing a spouse. If your family or close friends express concerns about the person you’re considering, it’s important to take their concerns seriously.
There are countless stories of people who rushed into marriage driven by infatuation, only to regret it later. One such story is of a young woman who married a man despite her family’s warnings. After the marriage, she realized that her husband was not what she had expected, leading to a painful and difficult situation. This is a powerful reminder of the hadith: “Your love for a thing makes you deaf and blind.” (Abu Dawood).
Conclusion: True Love in Islam
In Islam, the love in marriage is so much more than just emotions. It’s about giving and receiving mawaddah and rahmah—affection and mercy. This is the kind of love that can sustain a marriage for a lifetime, insyaAllah. When choosing a spouse, make sure your decision is guided by both your heart and mind, and always seek Allah’s guidance to help you find a partner who will bring you closer to Him.
Ya Allah, grant us understanding and wisdom in choosing the right spouse, and fill our hearts with genuine affection and mercy. Guide us to build marriages that are strong, blessed, and pleasing to You. Protect us from the pitfalls of fleeting emotions and help us nurture love that lasts a lifetime. Ameen.
May Allah bless you with a loving and fulfilling marriage, grounded in mawaddah and rahmah. Remember to seek His guidance in every step you take. Until next time, take care and stay blessed. InsyaAllah.
Love & Salam,
Umm Maryam
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