Choosing Yourself: Why Walking Away Is Sometimes the Most Loving Thing You Can Do

June 24, 2025 Uncategorized

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You’ve cried over him again. You’ve excused the hot-and-cold behavior… again. You keep holding on to the hope that one day, he’ll realize your worth and things will get better. But deep down, you know the truth — it’s just a cycle that never seems to change.

Why do we stay in situations where we’re not treated with the love and respect we deserve? Why do we allow ourselves to be hurt, even when we know better?

Let’s talk about something hard — and healing: walking away.

And most importantly, how returning to Allah (SWT) in this process is the most loving thing you can do for your soul.

What you will learn

The Hard Truth About Boundaries

The Prophet ﷺ taught us, “The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good…” (Muslim)

Strength doesn’t only mean physical strength — it includes emotional strength, dignity, and the ability to say no when something hurts your soul.

The reality is this: What you tolerate is what you’ll continue to get.

If you allow someone to dismiss your feelings, act inconsistent, or cross your values, they’ll keep doing it — not because they’re evil, but because they’ve been given permission to. Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect — and in Islam, honoring your own dignity is part of honoring the amanah (trust) Allah gave you.

“Do not let hatred cause you to be unjust. Be just; that is nearer to righteousness.” (Qur’an 5:8)

When you protect your heart, you’re not just setting boundaries for yourself — you’re also aligning your life with the values Allah loves.

Recognizing the Signs It’s Time to Let Go

Here are a few red flags that may be pushing you further away from emotional and spiritual safety:

Inconsistency (hot/cold behavior)

One day they love you, the next they’re distant. This keeps your heart in confusion — something Allah tells us to avoid.

“Indeed, the worst of creatures in the sight of Allah are the deaf and dumb who do not use reason.” (Qur’an 8:22)

Emotional manipulation

Guilt-tripping, blaming, and twisting your feelings are signs of unhealthy control. Islam teaches mutual compassion — not power games.

“The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers.” (Qur’an 49:10)

Disrespect and indifference

If someone repeatedly dismisses your needs, they’re showing they do not value the amanah of your presence. That is not love.

“And speak to people good [words]…” (Qur’an 2:83)

You feel worse with them than without them

Allah created the bond of marriage and companionship as a garment — a source of warmth, not wounds. If the presence of someone regularly causes you stress, it’s time to reflect.

“And among His signs is this, that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, that you may find tranquillity in them…” (Qur’an 30:21)

Why Letting Go Hurts — And Why That’s Okay

Letting go can feel like breaking your own heart — especially when you’ve poured love, time, and prayers into someone. But feeling pain doesn’t mean you’re making the wrong decision.

It means you’re human.

Even Maryam (عليها السلام) cried out in pain when delivering her baby alone, wishing she were forgotten — yet Allah told her to not grieve, and provided her water, dates, and ease. (Qur’an 19:23-26)

When you choose your emotional safety, you’re not walking away in weakness — you’re walking toward healing, with Allah by your side.

Taking a Stand for Yourself Is an Act of ‘Ibadah

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish — it’s sacred.

You are a servant of Allah. Your soul was created with purpose. You weren’t placed on this Earth to beg for love or chase someone’s potential. You were placed here to worship Allah, and part of that worship is caring for the amanah of your heart.

“And do not kill yourselves [or one another]. Indeed, Allah is to you ever Merciful.” (Qur’an 4:29)

This verse has many meanings — one of which is that we should not slowly kill our joy, worth, or dignity just to keep others comfortable.

You are allowed to say: “This isn’t what Allah wants for me.”

When You Finally Walk Away

Yes, it will hurt. Yes, you’ll miss the moments, the memories, the dreams. But after the heartbreak… comes clarity.

And in that clarity, you’ll find the space to reconnect with Allah — the One who never abandons you, never plays hot and cold, and never leaves you guessing.

You’ll begin to taste emotional peace again. The kind of peace that is better than any shallow version of love someone once offered you.

You’ll start hearing your own voice again. The one that was buried beneath all the noise of people-pleasing, tolerating, and doubting.

“Truly in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Qur’an 13:28)

Rebuilding Your Relationship with Allah Is How You Come Home to Yourself

If you’ve been distant from your Lord, this is your moment. Reconnecting with Him is how you learn to love yourself properly. Because when you realize how much Allah loves you, you’ll stop chasing love that comes with pain.

Start small:

Talk to Him in your own words.
Cry to Him in sujood.
Ask Him for strength.
Recite “HasbiyAllahu la ilaha illa Huwa” — “Allah is Sufficient for me; there is no deity except Him.”

When you make Allah your anchor, your heart becomes less vulnerable to sinking ships.

“And whoever relies upon Allah — then He is sufficient for him.” (Qur’an 65:3)

Conclusion: Begin Again, with Allah

You’ve cried over him again. You’ve excused the behavior again. You’ve hoped that one day, he’ll change. But deep down, you already know the truth.

This is your sign. Not just to walk away, but to walk toward peace. Toward your self-worth. Toward your Lord.

You were not created to suffer. You were created to worship Allah with a heart that is whole and at peace.

“Verily, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Qur’an 13:11)

Journal Prompt:

What am I tolerating that is hurting me? How is it affecting my relationship with myself and with Allah? What does loving myself for His sake look like today?

Call to Action

If you’re ready to reclaim your worth, share this post with someone who needs to hear it too.

And if you’re looking for support in setting healthy limits in relationships, download our Red Flags & Deal Breakers Checklist and start choosing yourself — with Allah as your Guide.

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