Bismillah بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
Today, I want to share a story that has deeply touched my heart—a story of a dear friend, Sara, who made a decision she thought was best for her but soon realized it was a decision filled with heartache and regret. This story isn’t just about her journey but serves as an important reminder for all of us when it comes to choosing a life partner.
Let’s take a moment to delve deeply into her story. I want to walk you through her journey, so you can truly grasp the significance of each moment and how it shaped her life.
The Beginning: A Whirlwind of Proposals
Sara had always been a woman of strong faith, someone who took her religious duties seriously. Not long ago, she became more involved in her local Islamic community. As a new member, she was welcomed warmly, and before she knew it, she became the center of attention. The community noticed her, not just for her piety, but for her character and the potential they saw in her as a wife.
One proposal led to another. Families within the community began suggesting their sons for marriage, hoping to win her favor. Sara was overwhelmed. Imagine being in her shoes—everywhere she turned, someone was offering her a path to marriage, but it was all happening so fast. The pressure to make a decision began to mount.
Meeting Him: The Man Who Seemed Like the One
In the midst of this chaos, Sara met a man who stood out to her. He wasn’t just any suitor; he seemed to be everything she was looking for. He was kind, attentive, and shared her devotion to Islam. They met at an Islamic Da’wah Training Center, a place that immediately gave Sara a sense of comfort and trust. After all, they were in a space dedicated to spreading the word of Islam, a place that fostered good intentions.
What Sara didn’t fully realize at the time was that this man wasn’t there for Da’wah training. Instead, he was seeking marriage counseling. He had recently gone through a divorce, a marriage that had lasted less than a year. He was a man carrying the weight of his past—a heart still heavy with the pain of a failed relationship. But Sara, eager to find a companion, didn’t give much thought to his recent divorce.
The Red Flags: Signs She Didn’t See
When Sara looked at him, she saw someone who had endured hardship and, in her eyes, had come out stronger on the other side. He was mature, or so she thought, and ready to start anew. But there were signs—red flags—that she missed.
This man had not had time to heal. His wounds were still fresh, but Sara, blinded by her feelings, couldn’t see that. She was falling in love quickly, swept up by the idea that she had finally found her soulmate. Despite her family’s concerns, despite the gentle warnings from her close friends—including myself—Sara’s mind was made up. She was determined to marry him as soon as possible.
The Wedding: A Day of Hope and Joy
The wedding day arrived, and it was everything Sara had hoped for. She was radiant, filled with joy and anticipation for the life she was about to start. In that moment, nothing else mattered. The concerns, the red flags, the hurried nature of their relationship—they were all pushed aside by the sheer excitement of being married.
Sara’s heart was full. She had found someone who she believed would love her, protect her, and be the partner she had always dreamed of. It was a day of hope, a day when everything seemed perfect.
The First Few Weeks: Reality Begins to Set In
But soon after the wedding, the cracks began to show. At first, they were small—little disagreements here and there, nothing out of the ordinary. But as the weeks went by, those small cracks grew into chasms.
Communication became difficult. The man Sara had married, who once seemed so attentive and understanding, now struggled to even grasp her basic needs. Simple conversations that should have brought them closer instead created distance. Every time Sara tried to express herself, it felt like she was hitting a wall.
And then there were the arguments. What started as minor disagreements escalated quickly. Her husband’s insecurities—the ones that had been hidden beneath the surface—began to emerge. Sara soon realized that every discussion, no matter how trivial, could trigger an emotional outburst. These weren’t just arguments; they were battles that left Sara feeling more and more isolated.
The Painful Realization: He Wasn’t the Man She Thought He Was
It didn’t take long for Sara to realize that the man she had married wasn’t the man she thought he was. The reality was heartbreaking. The person who was supposed to be her protector, her qawwam, was struggling with his own unresolved issues. He couldn’t be the emotional support she needed because he hadn’t even begun to heal from his past.
Every day, Sara felt the weight of her decision. She was married, but she was alone. The man who was supposed to stand by her side was emotionally unavailable, wrapped up in his own pain. Sara had entered into this marriage with so much hope, but now she found herself in a situation where her emotional needs were completely unmet.
Understanding the Role of Qawwam: A Protector Beyond the Physical
Sara’s story is a powerful reminder of what it means to find a true qawwam—a protector as described in the Quran. Allah (SWT) says:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ
“Men are the protectors and maintainers (qawwam) of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…” (Quran 4:34)
A true qawwam is not just a provider in the physical sense. He is someone who safeguards your heart, your emotions, and your dignity. Sara’s husband could not fulfill this role because he was still carrying the burdens of his past. He couldn’t protect her emotionally because he hadn’t yet found peace within himself.
The Lesson Learned: Don’t Rush into Marriage
Sara’s experience has left a deep impression on me. It taught me—and I hope it teaches you—that marriage is not something to be rushed. It’s not just about finding someone who shares your faith or someone who makes your heart skip a beat. It’s about finding a partner who is ready to fulfill the role of qawwam, someone who can be there for you in every sense of the word.
Sara’s story is a reminder to take your time, to see the signs, and to ensure that the person you marry is truly ready for the responsibilities that come with marriage. Don’t let the excitement of love or the pressure from society push you into a decision that could lead to heartache.
Conclusion: Seek a True Qawwam
As you search for a life partner, remember Sara’s journey. Seek a man who is not only loving but also capable of being your protector, in every way that matters. And remember, marriage is a significant step—take it with caution, faith, and wisdom.
Love and Salam,
Aimi
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