Bismillah بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
The most frustrating thing about red flags is that they can be glaringly obvious, yet some of us still choose to ignore them due to our own weaknesses.
Maybe we want the relationship to work so badly that we tell ourselves it’s better to be in a subpar relationship than to be alone. Or we make excuses for our potential suitor, believing they will change for the better after marriage.
This is so dangerous. You cannot change a person easily. Most people stay the same throughout their lives and don’t put much effort into changing for the better. This is a hard truth of life. Don’t bet your future on the uncertain prospect of someone else’s betterment.
Imagine you’re buying a piece of furniture, like a table. You swore to yourself that you will use this table for your whole life and never replace it. With this mindset, what kind of table would you look for? Perhaps a strong and sturdy one made of high-quality wood that can last a lifetime. You wouldn’t buy a flimsy $50 plastic table and bet on it for your entire life, right?
When choosing a husband to live with for the rest of your life, you need to choose a man of the highest quality. Don’t settle for those flimsy $50 men because they won’t last you a lifetime. Somewhere down the line, they will break, and you will have to pay the price. Save yourself the pain and heartache.
I understand that finding a suitable partner can be daunting, but with the right guidance, you can make informed and wise decisions. Let’s dive into practical advice, emotional insights, and Islamic guidance to help you navigate this important journey.
1. Consistency in Words and Actions
One major red flag is inconsistency in words and actions. If a suitor frequently says one thing but does another, this could indicate a lack of reliability and integrity. As the Quran states:
“O you who have believed, why do you say what you do not do? Great is hatred in the sight of Allah that you say what you do not do.” (Surah As-Saff 61:2-3)
Pay close attention to consistency in behavior as an indicator of character.
2. Lack of Empathy or Emotional Support
Emotional connection is vital in any relationship. A red flag to watch for is a lack of empathy or emotional support. If a suitor dismisses your feelings or is indifferent to your emotional needs, this can be a sign of deeper issues. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“The most perfect of believers in faith are those best in character.” (Tirmidhi)
Look for someone who genuinely cares about your well-being and emotional health.
3. Conflicting Life Goals
From a strategic point of view, it’s important to assess a suitor’s long-term vision and compatibility with your goals. If a suitor has conflicting life goals or lacks ambition, it might lead to future disagreements. The Quran advises us:
“And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace.” (Surah Al-Furqan 25:63)
Seek someone whose vision aligns with yours and who can navigate life’s challenges with wisdom.
4. Disrespect or Unkindness to Others
Pay attention to how a suitor treats those around him. If he is disrespectful or unkind to others, this is a major red flag. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“The best among you are those who have the best manners and character.” (Bukhari)
Kindness and respect in everyday interactions reflect a person’s true character.
5. Lack of Empathy and Compromise
Empathy and understanding are non-negotiables. A red flag is if a suitor cannot see things from your perspective or is unwilling to compromise. The Quran emphasizes mutual respect and cooperation in relationships:
“And live with them in kindness.” (Surah An-Nisa 4:19)
A successful relationship requires both partners to empathize and work together harmoniously.
6. Lack of Financial Responsibility
Practical red flags include a lack of financial responsibility or stability. Assess whether a suitor manages his finances wisely and is transparent about his financial situation. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“The upper hand is better than the lower hand.” (Bukhari)
Financial stability and responsibility are essential for a secure and stable marriage.
7. Disrespectful Family Interactions
Observe how a suitor interacts with his family. If he shows disrespect or neglects family responsibilities, this is a red flag. The Quran reminds us:
“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years.” (Surah Luqman 31:14)
Family relationships are a strong indicator of how he will treat his own family in the future.
8. Dismissing Opinions and Ideas
Intellectual compatibility is important. If a suitor dismisses your opinions or belittles your ideas, this can stifle your personal growth. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“Wisdom is the lost property of the believer.” (Tirmidhi)
Look for someone who respects your intellect and encourages your growth.
Conclusion
Identifying red flags early on can save you from heartache and disappointment. Remember, it’s about finding someone who aligns with your values, supports your growth, and treats you with respect and kindness. Keep your heart open, seek Allah’s guidance, and trust in His plan for you.
If you like this post, please share it with your loved ones so that they can benefit from it too. InsyaAllah, by spreading the word, we can create a community of sisters supporting each in meaningful this journey. May Allah put barakah in all our efforts in pleasing Him and may He grant all of us loving and responsible spouses to accompany us through this journey in life. Ameen.
Love and Salam,
Aimi
Leave a Comment