بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
Do you find yourself struggling to stay calm when you are angry? It happens to all of us. Being angry is one of the worst feelings one can go through.
A man came to the Prophet and he said, “Advise me.” The Prophet (SAW), said, “Do not be angry.” The man repeated his request and the Prophet said, “Do not be angry.” (Sahih Bukhari)
Rasulullah (SAW) repeated the same advice to the man to not be angry.
Perhaps this is because anger can lead to many other problems such as harboring ill feelings towards someone and the potential of saying harsh things that we don’t really mean during the heat of an argument. In that state of anger, it is easier for Syaitan to whisper evil thoughts to you.
Your emotions are not stable, thus you are not thinking wisely.
Here’s what you can do…
1. Get away from the source of your anger to cool down
Let’s say you got into an argument with someone and you are both at your tipping point. No matter what you say or do, both of you just can’t seem to be on the same page and your emotions are getting worked up by the second.
What can you do in this moment? Try this first calming strategy.
Get out of the situation. Tell them that you will come back to talk about it when everyone has cooled down. It is useless to argue when both parties are emotionally worked up and unreasonable at that point in time. Any problem in this world can be solved with a civil discussion and mutual understanding.
So, relax, calm down.
“If one of you is angry while he is standing, let him sit down so his anger will leave him; otherwise, let him lie down.” (Sunan Abi Dawud 4782)
2. Hate the syaitan
O believers! Enter into Islam wholeheartedly and do not follow Satan’s footsteps. Surely he is your sworn enemy. (2;208)
Put yourself in the right mindset first.
The person you’re angry with is NOT the enemy, everyone makes mistakes. Your real enemy is the Syaitan. You have to hate the syaitan enough to want to reconcile with your companion and stop the syaitan’s plans.
The syaitan will already have his plans set up for you during this time, he has lived more than billions of years, he would already have a detailed manual on how to effectively stir hate and separate the ummah, especially for a husband and wife.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) informed us that Shaytan is most pleased when seeds of discord are sown between a husband and wife.
5. Take whudhu (ablution) and make Salah
Whudhu will help you soothe your anger and wipe out your small sins.
“The Messenger of Allah said: ‘When a person performs ablution and washes his hands, his sins exit through his hands. When he washes his face, his sins exit through his face. When he washes his forearms and wipes his head, his sins exit through his forearms and head. When he washes his feet, his sins exit through his feet.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
Salah is your best tool to get close to Allah. In your sujood, tell Allah how you feel in your heart. Pour all your distress and worries to Allah because He is the only One who can dissolve your problems.
Allah says He holds the heart of every believer.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW): Verily, the hearts of all the sons of Adam are between the two fingers of the Compassionate Lord as one heart. He turns that to any (direction) He likes. Then Allahs Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: 0 Allah, the Turner of the hearts, turn our hearts to Thine obedience. (Sahih Muslim)
4. Forgive yourself
“Say: O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves (because of sins), do not despair from the mercy of Allah. Verily, Allah forgives all sins. Verily, He is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Al-Qur’an 39:53]
If you’re the one at fault, forgive yourself first. You will never be able to forgive others if you do not forgive yourself. Remember that you are just a human being and you cannot run from making mistakes. It is completely fine to make mistakes, as long as we learn from them and try to be better through repentance.
Allah loves those who make mistakes and repent more than those who never made mistakes because they would not have the chance to repent.
وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ لَوْ لَمْ تُذْنِبُوا لَذَهَبَ اللَّهُ بِكُمْ وَلَجَاءَ بِقَوْمٍ يُذْنِبُونَ فَيَسْتَغْفِرُونَ اللَّهَ فَيَغْفِرُ لَهُمْ
“By the One in Whose Hand my soul is, were you not to commit sins, Allah would replace you with people who would commit sins and then seek forgiveness from Allah; and Allah would forgive them.”
(Sahih Muslim, 2749)
Rest assured, Allah created us with this nature to sin, repent and get closer to Allah after each event. This is the cycle He has created us to live by. Allah loves it when His slaves sincerely repent and ask for His guidance. So, repent often.
3. Apologize to the person
If you’re not used to this, it will be hard at first but if you do this a few times every time someone upsets you, you’ll get used to it. Even when you’re not the one at fault, you should be the first to apologize because Allah says He loves those who reconcile with their brothers.
“Those who control their anger and are forgiving towards people; Allah loves the good.” (Qur’an, 3: 134)
6. Make dua Allah gives you both hidayah to learn from this mistake and not repeat it
“(They say): ‘Our Lord! Let not our hearts deviate (from the truth) after You have guided us, and grant us mercy from You. Truly, You are the Bestower’” [Qur’an Surah Aal ‘Imraan 3:8]
Hidayah (guidance from Allah) is very important in any life event. Without hidayah, you won’t be able to see the wisdom behind every situation or “test” Allah put in your life. Therefore, you won’t be able to advance to the next level in Allah’s books because you did not learn from your previous mistakes.
Sometimes, Allah will give you the same trials and tribulations just so you can see your own wrongdoings, change the wrong you are currently doing and be a better person.
So, if this is a recurring event, perhaps it is wise to ask yourself and think how you could pass this “test” from Allah that you’re facing right now and move on. 🙂
7. Confront the person and tell them exactly how you feel.
This is probably the most profound part and the most freeing. After you have confronted them and let out your heart, you will feel much better. Even if your companion refuses to reciprocate, you would have total peace in your heart knowing that you have done your best on your part and that there is nothing else you can do about it.
Allah loves those who forgive.
8. Thank Allah for this event and take the good
Rest assured that every event happens for a reason. Allah does not make something happen without a reason no matter how small.
Say: “Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us. He is our Mawla (protector).” And in Allah let the believers put their trust. (Surah Tawba, 51)
Sure, in this very moment you might be angry that Allah put you through this kind of situation. Regardless, you must trust Allah that He knows what’s best for you. Every test He put you through is for you to be a stronger believer and get closer to Him.
Therefore, you have to ask yourself : ”What is it that Allah wants you to learn from this event?”
Tip – Write it down. ‘3 Possible Things Allah Wants Me To Learn From This Event’. When you write it down, you’ll be able to see things more clearly.
9. Give back your best
Giving back your best is at no cost to you. If you treat others with kindness, love and mercy, Allah will reward you in multitudes in this life and the next. So, don’t worry about your compensation. Your companion is not the one to repay you for the good that you’ve done. So, chill. You’re in good hands inshaAllah.
Just do your best and trust that maybe someday Allah will open your companion’s heart to come around and repair your relationship for the better.
Some tips to give back your best to them…
Tip – Make dua for them.
Let go of any grudge you may still have towards them.
Treat them and their family kindly as if nothing happened between the 2 of you. (That’s you ticket to Jannah right there 😉 )
10. Have patience
If you’ve given your best for a while and your companion still doesn’t respond, have patience. Repeat all the steps and keep doing your best. Remember you are doing this for Allah and that no good deed will go unrewarded in the akhirah. So, have peace, your affairs will be taken care of inshaAllah.
Leave your trust to Allah and move on.
May Allah grant you the best reward in the hereafter inshaAllah.
Ameen
[…] Read next: 10 WAYS TO COOL OFF WHEN FEELING ANGRY […]